Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
