I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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