Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry about my life...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
