I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
