Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize