corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
