I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
