the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
