i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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