Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
