That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
