That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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