i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
