why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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