perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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