Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
