I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
