nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize