Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
