No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
