Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Damn victory sex feels great
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