never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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