You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
