That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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