It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
