So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
