so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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