Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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