tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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