He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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