Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
