first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
