I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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