Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
