I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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