I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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