My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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