it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
