We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize