if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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