Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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