I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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