i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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