Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
