The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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