I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
