You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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