im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
