I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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