it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
