Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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