Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize