mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
