can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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