filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
