i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I pour the whiskey from now on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
