I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
