new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize