Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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