I'm lost and stupid without you.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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