I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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