So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
