Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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