I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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