Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
