I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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