He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
