I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
