Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize