I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
