You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
