i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
