I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
