i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
