I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
