so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did I show you my penis last night?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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