She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
