Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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