I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
