I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
