I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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