are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
