So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
