Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This baby is an asshole
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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