goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
