This is not my ceiling
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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