I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
