There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
even my farts smell like vagina
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
