Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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