How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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