Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
