I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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