Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize